怎样才能让孩子学会关爱？

10月 28, 2009

What Makes Kids Care?: Teaching Gentleness in a Violent World
怎样才能让孩子学会关爱？:在一个充满暴力的世界里教孩子学会温文尔雅。
翻译：breezychao 提交日期：2009年10月28日

In a world where violence and cruelty seem to be common and almost acceptable, many parents wonder what they can do to help their children to become kinder and gentler–to develop a sense of caring and compassion for others. Raising kids who care isn’t a solution to violence by itself, but it’s reasonable to worry that being exposed to a lot of violence — whether it’s on television or on the streets — could make your children hard and uncaring.

在一个暴力和野蛮随处可见甚至几乎被默认接受的世界，很多家长都在考虑怎样做才能让自己的孩子变得更温文尔雅些——培养一种对他人关爱和同情的意识。让孩子学会关心本身并不是针对暴力的解决措施，然而家长们有理由担心接触太多的暴力—无论是从电视上或者街道里学到的—都可能让孩子变得冷漠和漠不关心。

Parents, of course, can’t completely control all the things that affect their children’s lives. After all, children spend a lot of time out in the ‘real world,’ which can often be harsh, uncaring, or just plain unhappy. And children have their own personalities and characteristics that parents can’t change or control. But there are some things that a parent can do to encourage their children to become caring, fair, and responsible.

当然，父母们并不能完全控制影响孩子发展的所有因素。因为毕竟孩子们大多数时间还是生活在“真正的世界里”——-经常充斥着严酷无情或者仅仅是不开心的世界，而且每个孩子都有家长们改变或控制不了的个性。但是父母们可以鼓励自己的孩子学会关爱，公正和负责。

People sometimes think that children don’t really see the outside world — or other people — the way adults do, that they only view the world from their own eyes and in their own way. But is this true?

人们有时认为孩子并没有真正地了解外面的世界—–或者了解其他人—成年人的做事方式，孩子们只是在用自己的眼光或方式来看这个世界。然而真是这样吗？

Researchers used to believe that a sense of real caring about others only came as people grow into adulthood. But now studies are finding that children can show signs of empathy and concern from a very early age. They react with concern when they see unhappiness, wanting to help or fix the problem.

研究者过去坚信人只有在成年之后才能养成真正关爱他人的意识。然而现代研究发现，儿童在很小的年龄就显示出关注得迹象。他们会对看到的不开心的事表现出关切，并试图提供帮助或解决问题。

And one study found that teenagers who were involved in helping others felt very positive about their lives and had high hopes for their own futures.

另一研究发现乐于助人的青少年对待生活更加积极，对未来也充满希望。

The most important thing you as a parent can do is to let your children know how much it means to you that they behave with kindness and responsibility. When you see your child doing something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, you should let them know right away that you don’t want them doing that. Speak to your child firmly and honestly, and keep your focus on the act, not on the child personally — something along the lines of ‘What you did is not very nice’ rather than ‘YOU are not very nice.’

作为父母的你，最重要的是让孩子清楚他们的善良和负责对你意义深长。当看到孩子做些你认为自私或者残忍的事时，你应该马上让他们知道你不希望他们这么做。坚决而诚恳地和孩子们谈谈，对事不对人—-比如这样说“这件事你做的不够好”，而非“你这人不够好。”

This emotional reaction needs to be accompanied by information–some explanation of why you disapprove–for example, ‘Look, Joey is crying. He’s crying because you took his toy away. That wasn’t a very nice thing to do!’ or ‘It hurts the cat when you do that; that’s why he scratched you. It isn’t kind, and I don’t want you to do that any more!’ It’s important to let children know how deeply you feel about their behavior toward others. If they see that you have a real emotional commitment to something, it’s more likely that the issue will become important to them, too.

这种情绪反应需要伴随着一些信息—你对为什么不赞同的解释—比如说，“你看，乔哭了，因为你抢了他的玩具。这样做可挺不友好的！”或者“你这样做伤害了小猫，这就是它挠你的原因。你对它有点不友好，希望你下次别那么做了。”让孩子知道你内心对他们如何对待他人行为的感受，这很重要。如果他们意识到你真的对某件事感情强烈，他们很可能也会对这些事变得重视。

Be frank, honest and upfront with your kids about what kind of behavior you do and don’t like. Keep your comments short and to the point; the idea is to teach them, not to make them feel guilty.

诚实坦率地跟孩子说你欣赏和不欣赏什么样的行为。让你的言语简短切题，这样做的目的是教育他们，而非让他们有负罪感。

According to another study there are two kinds of parental role modeling that help teach children to be caring: kindness to others and kindness to the child.

另一研究表明，有两种家长行为榜样有助于教会子女学会关爱：友善待人和仁慈地对待子女。

In other words, our actions speak louder than words.

换句话说，行动多于言语。

If you are consistently caring and compassionate, it’s more likely that your children will be, too. Children watch their parents, and other adults, for clues on how to behave.

如果你一直在关爱和同情他人，很可能这会影响到孩子也这么做。孩子们会观察并仿效父母和其他成年人的行为。

Keep in mind that if you say one thing and do another, your children will pay a lot more attention to what you do. The old warning ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ simply does not work, particularly when it comes to teaching about caring.

记住如果你说一套做一套，孩子会更加关注你所做的。有句老忠告“按我说的做，不要按我做的做。”在这里不起作用了，尤其是在教人学会关爱的时候。

Try to surround your children with other people who are kind and caring, so that they have several role models.

努力让孩子周围接触到都是些关爱和善良的人，这样他们就有了角色榜样。

If you treat your children with respect for their dignity, concern, and regard for their achievements, you help them understand that all living creatures should be treated with dignity and concern.

如果孩子尊重，关注自己取得的成就，而你对此也表现出自己对孩子的尊重的话，这有助于让孩子理解，所有的有生命的造物都应该被尊重和关爱。

Parents understandably worry that their effort at home could be undermined by outside influences such as their children’s friends, daily violence in their own neighborhoods, television shows and movies, or a culture that exalts ‘heroes’ who are selfish.

家长们会担心他们在家教育孩子的努力会被外部的因素影响和削弱。比如孩子的朋友，邻居家发生的暴力事件，电视秀和电影场景或者宣扬自私者即为“英雄”的文化等，这是可以理解的。

Here are a few things that you can do to help counteract these influences:
下面是一些可以帮助抵御这些影响的方法：

- Give them books that promote compassionate behavior. Keep in mind, though, that kids – especially teenagers — don’t like characters who are ‘goody-two-shoes,’ so look for books about ordinary characters who perform acts of caring and concern.
-给他们一些可以强化同情心的书籍。记住，孩子们—尤其是青少年—不喜欢那些自命清高的角色，所以给他们找些关于普通人物表现关爱和关注的书籍。

- A study at the National Institute of Mental Health found that children who tend to imitate behavior they see on television. For this reason, you may want to limit their viewing of violent programs and encourage them to watch shows that promote ideas about caring and helping.
-国家心理健康研究所的一项研究表明，孩子们易于模仿电视中的行为。出于这点考虑，你可以限制他们看些暴力节目，鼓励他们多看看提高关爱和乐于助人意识的节目。

- Find out about the movies your children want to see. Are they excessively violent? Do they glamorize criminals or people who get ahead at the expense of others? Do they glorify violence to people or animals? You can’t shield your children from everything, but a little discussion can go a long way. Ask them to think about what they saw and to consider other approaches the characters might have taken.
-找出你孩子喜欢看的电影。这些电影是不是过于暴力？是不是过于颂扬犯罪或者那些总是损人利己的人？是不是歌颂暴力（对人或动物）？你无法让孩子彻底的远离这些，然而简单地讨论一下将大有帮助。问问他们对电影的看法，并让他们考虑一下剧中角色是不是可以采取一些其他的方式？

-Educate your children about famous altruists. Local museums can provide an inexpensive and enjoyable way to do this, as can television specials and books. Talk to them and find out who they admire, and why.
-告诉孩子一些著名的利他主义者的故事。当地的博物馆可以实现这一点，不贵而且富有趣味。一些电视特别节目和书籍也可以。跟孩子们谈论一下并发现谁是他们崇拜的人，为什么会崇拜这个人？

Another thing you can do is try to find organized ways for your children to get involved. Let them know about places in the community where they can volunteer, and encourage them to join. Many volunteer organizations and churches have special programs for young people and even for children.

另一种方法是让孩子参与一些组织。告诉他们社区里有哪些可以做志愿者的组织并鼓励他们参加。很多志愿者组织和教堂都有针对年轻人，甚至小孩的特殊项目。

Some parents whose children are confronted with the harsher realities in everyday life may wonder whether it’s a good idea to let them see even more suffering and distress. Other parents may worry that exposing kids to a harder side of life than they’ve seen before could traumatize the children.

有些家长对孩子在日常生活中遇到的困难，会考虑是不是应该让他们多经历一些这样的痛苦或者困难；而另一些家长会担心如果孩子遇到前所未有的困难会让他们身心受到伤害。

These are understandable concerns, and according to some experts, there are cases where children have become overly sensitive to the suffering of others. This is particularly true of children who are already emotionally fragile. Not all giving is healthy for the giver; if a child starts placing the needs of others above his own, this could be a sign that perhaps he or she is giving too much.

这都是些可以理解的担忧，一些专家指出，有孩子对别人的痛苦遭遇变得过于敏感的案例发生。尤其是对本身感情就很脆弱的孩子来说。并非所有的给与对给予者来说都是健康的，如果有天孩子开始将别人的需求建立在自己之上，这可能是个征兆— 他/她付出的过多了。

What most inspires a child to grow up caring about others is the caring that the child receives. That nurturing is itself a perfect role model for children. Experts point out that when children feel they have a secure base at home, they’re more likely to venture out and pay attention to others. It’s when they feel deprived of love and nurturing that they focus too much on themselves and their own needs.

最好的鼓励孩子关爱他人的方法就是孩子们得到的关爱。那种教育本身就是孩子的行为榜样。专家指出如果孩子在家得到足够的关爱，他们很可能喜欢走出去关注别人。只有在感到被剥夺了爱和教育的权利时，他们才会只是关注自己和自己的需求。

原文：APA

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